I Hope You’re Having a Good Day

I texted Carrie for some odd detail today. She said “I hope you’re having a good day” I didn’t know how to respond. I literally locked up.

Answer truthfully? I’m having an awful day, every day is like torture. I try my hardest to do everything right. Leave you alone, don’t say anything, be strong. Exercise, eat right, breathe.

I hope you’re having a good day. Just the thought, some trivial nicety is enough to swell my heart with joy and drop my heart into my shoes. Wondering the 200 ways she could mean that. I miss her, I miss her every day. I’m not having a good day. I’m scared of a good day, because it might be one where I don’t miss her for a whole 24 hours. When she could be more lost to me than ever.

I hope she’s having a good day, and yet, I hope she misses me too.