Conversations in Hell

I’m not terribly proud of myself in this instance. However in my defense I was blindsided by a text saying Carrie had already filed and that I was going to owe 500 dollars which I don’t have. I hope you understand my reaction and my point of view, but in fairness, here is the conversation in full

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Carrie:

Hi Adam, I hope you are well.  I have our divorce paperwork started.  It’s imperitive we get it going so we are single status before the end of the year for taxes or we may be more screwed on taxes.  It would be easiest to communicate steps needing to be done through talking but if you would prefer I can do my best to write it out for you.  Basically I had to pay $435 in court fees and you may have to as well but you would need to meet with a facilitator to  see if there is a way around that for you.  I have 30 days from today to give you paperwork to go “one route” but like I said, the sooner the better as the process can sometimes take 6 months.

Adam:

What do you mean by ‘one route’

Carrie:

Well it’s complicated, the court process is set up so that whether or not you respond the process can still be carried out.  There are different fees and paperwork depending on how we go about it.

Meeting with a facilitator would help us choose the best route and help guide this along smoothly.  I believe it is free to meet with them but they are open limited hours and are first come first serve

Adam:

At this point I have no money, I’ve made that exceptionally clear. Also  I don’t have any urge to do you any favors. we filed separately this year and you can file separately again. I think you just want to ease your conscience in this regard and I can’t help you

I’ve been very patient and very quiet, I don’t bother you. Because it’s clear you don’t give a shit about my feelings. So coming to me and asking me to work with you on something that would make you feel better isn’t high on my list

You have every opportunity to be civil, to be an adult, to be friends. I gave you endless chances to be a decent human being. But you’d rather be codependent and unhealthy. I wish you well, and I hope you have a wake up call.

if you want to pay my half I’ll sign a form, otherwise please leave me alone and understand that you cause me pain with your actions and presence.

Carrie:

Either way you aren’t doing me any favors, it would benefit us both to work together but I can carry it out without you if that’s your choice.  I paid my part and you will owe for yours I have nothing to do with that.  I was offering you a possible way out of having to pay your part of the fees.  If you cannot afford it there is a form to waive fees if you qualify but the income amount is very low.  We are both part of this divorce process and I am doing my part to be responsible.  It really does matter because it is not legal for us to lie and file taxes ‘single status’ and if caught we could not only get ourselves in legal trouble but would owe more money plus penalties and fees.

Adam:

there is a married but filed separately status that’s not illegal. Please send me the form to waive the fee, I’m almost positive I qualify and I will fill it out.  that’s it. I have no money and I don’t want to see you again. Get me the form and I’ll do my part – trust me I want you out of my life, I just can’t afford it, nor can I stand to be in the same room as you

Carrie:

Ok message received.

Adam:

For the record, none of this would be an issue if you hadn’t jumped ship to fuck my lifelong friend for a rebound – we could have been friends, but it’s clear you don’t care about that

It still pains me every day, I still go therapy every week, I still take meds. I’m voiceless and hurt in this situation. I had no say and I find what you’re doing despicable. I’m dying inside to know the woman I married doesn’t care if she rips my heart out daily. Just so she isn’t lonely. I expected better of you

goodbye

I don’t mean to be cruel, I’m sorry that I dredged this up. I want you to live your own life and I hope you do realize that you deserve better. If you can find me the low income form or tell me where to find it I will fill it out and see what happens. It would be better to email me, as texting doesn’t seem to go well.

Carrie:

Thank you, this isn’t easy for either of us.  The paperwork needs to be given to you in person by someone over 18 and not me.  I was thinking to just ask Rachel

Adam:

please email whatever info you can about the low income form, I need to see that before I can do anything

also please contact me by email

Carrie:

Ok

Adam:

Also leave my sister out of this, you don’t need to play games. Just get me the low income form and when I’m ready I’ll come get the forms

Carrie:

Somebody (not me) has to give you the papers in person and sign that they did so.  I am not playing any games.  If not her then I’ll find another person but I asked because she is family, lives with you and I thought it better to leave out outsiders.

Adam:

I can get it from brendan when i’m ready for the forms. Please stop harassing people with this – it doesn’t take 6 months, I”m not fighting you on it, I just have no money – please tell me where to get the form and stop involving anyone else

Carrie:

You are fighting me, I am informing you truthfully of the process that I have researched and trying to go the easiest route for us both. If you cannot afford it they will waive your fees.  You could have went and got the form first but you did not.  I have spent many visits to the courts to start this process.  Either someone we know serves you the papers or the sheriff will have to do it.

Adam:

I just told you brendan can do it and we don’t have to involve anyone else who doesn’t need to be. Dear god, what part of “I’m fucking broke” are you not getting? I’m sorry if you’re put out, but I have no options. I can get the form, or you can tell me where to go to get it. That’s my next move, that’s all I can do. Please stop making this more than it needs to be. It’s a form, I’ll sign it, I just can’t sign up to pay hundreds of dollars I don’t have right now

Carrie:

Again they will waive the fee if you are broke

Adam:

I need to confirm that before I just get slammed with papers saying I owe money

What department, what address, what office do I go to?

Carrie:

Please reread my earlier texts when you are able to calmly go over them. Your options are explained there I have to finish work

Adam:

you said a ‘facilitator” which tells me zero. I don’t want to see you, I have enough wrong with my life without this right now. Tell me what number to call or what address to visit, I will go and explain my situation and figure it out.

Carrie:

Ok I’ll get you the info as soon as I can.

Adam:

thank you, please email it, please don’t talk to my family or friends about this, please stop making it a thing. I’ll find out whats needed and pick up the forms from brendan. Please stop making this harder

I’m not fighting you, I’m just hurt – deeply – and hearing from you causes me pain. I wish we could be friends but this shit is in the way. I hope someday you can put it behind you and see it for the mistake it is, in the meantime, I will be civil and I will not fight you. You don’t need a sheriff, or my sister, or threats.

Carrie:

Brendan is gone for the next 2 weeks.  Whether you see the facilitator or not you cannot just pick up the forms they have to be served to you.  That is the law.  I’m sorry you are hurting and things are so hard, this hurts me too.

Adam:

This is not that urgent. Shelby went through this and it took 30 days, there’s no reason it should take 6 months, it’s also something I really don’t need on my emotional plate right now. I’m guessing you don’t care and you just want your taxes cleared or whatever, it can wait 2 weeks until brendan gets back while I figure out how to do my end

This is completely overwhelming and just something you whipped out by text, and went forward with even though I told you it’s not at all something I can handle at the moment. Your methods are shady and difficult, you could have sent an email, explained my options and been a nice person about it. But your frustrated text and contacting rachel behind my back isn’t helping things. Finish your work, email me later, please don’t text anymore, it doesn’t work for me. I care so I’m ending this conversation, because I don’t want to say anything else at the moment. I will look for your email

Carrie:

The emotional part takes a lot longer than the legal.  Different states do divorce differently, I am reporting to you what I researched.  I do sympathize with it being a difficult time but it has been 10 months and yes I don’t want our taxes etc to screw either of us.

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