Whose Dreams These Are, I Think I Know

I had a dream where I was trying to tell Carrie my final goodbye, what she meant to me and that if she ever wanted to try again she could always ask and I would at least consider it seriously. Heavy thoughts, heavy things.

She was silly the whole time, dancing around, avoiding anything serious. She wouldn’t sit down to talk. At one point JJ came in with a big grin and told me he was looking for something. I sent him away and finally sat Carrie down to talk.

I started to tell her what’s in my mind and my heart, that I love her, that I want her to know I can forgive her and that I hope she can forgive me. The words got foggy, muddled up, I couldn’t put them in the right order.

My alarm sounded in the middle of this. I reached out and silenced it. Robbed again of my chance to say the right things. I cried.

I still don’t know what I would have said. I still don’t have the right words. But feeling like I did, even in a dream, was amazing. And losing it, even in a dream, was heartbreaking.