Let’s Just Assume for the Moment

Let’s just assume for the moment, that every time I write in here, it’s a victory.

I don’t have a therapist currently, I miss mine sometimes. I also don’t miss the feelings it would evoke every week. But I spend too much time carefully nothing thinking about it.

I’ve had some additional trouble with meds lately. I was taking a hair loss medication, partially to combat a side effect from the antidepressants which caused some additional hair thinning. My doctor gave it to me almost off-handedly. Here you go, take these once a day.

I haven’t felt like myself in a long time and I decided to stop all meds. This is the only one I was still on. So I stopped taking it. Almost immediately I started having harsh side effects. Total lack of sex drive, brain fog, being emotional, feeling very off.

I went in for testing and did some research online. Turns out the medication fucks with your hormones. And that after stopping I seem to have had a testosterone crash. I gained a lot of weight in a month, I’ve had emotional crying jags. I’ve had almost completely no sex drive. I’m kind of terrified at my body right now. ¬†The tests show my testosterone as below normal. I have another appointment to find out more, but it’s a waiting game to see if it gets better on its own or if i managed to damage my body’s balance. Another challenge to tackle.

In the meantime my emotions have grown and run rampant. I cry 3 times as much, I get overcome with emotion at every turn.

more to follow…