The General Wellbeing of Broken People 

The last couple posts dealt with hormones and health problems. I should probably take stock of where I’m at.

I finally gave in and started TRT (Testosterone Replacement Therapy) Having a completely broken sex drive while trying to forge a new relationship was just too much. I was pushing away Bonni and I was having trouble gaining any interest in sex whatsoever. Even when it happened it was lackluster half the time.

That was the final motivator, I’ve had a lot of other problems probably stemming from this and that was the final piece. I’ve done as much research as I can and one thing I’ve found is that being overweight can sap your “T” considerably. I’m certainly still overweight. Stable but not where I should be at all. However with no energy and no passion it seemed impossible to work out.

Well a lot of things are better. It took several weeks to start having an effect and even then was subtle. Slowly but surely my sex drive has returned and is feeling much more normal. My energy is better, my focus is better. Between that finally stabilizing on WellButrin I’ve found a pretty good niche lately. The WellButrin keeps me relatively flat/level which isn’t ideal. But the TRT makes me feel more energetic, more capable and more competitive. I find myself cracking jokes more, engaging my coworkers more, going out more. It’s certainly helped more than I even thought.

So yeah, it might be something I’m dependent on for the rest of my life. I’m not sure the alternative? Being broken I suppose which isn’t any better? The only thing I have in mind is that losing a lot of weight might ease the burden. So I’m trying to channel this energy into getting fit again and see if that can get me to a place where maybe TRT isn’t needed or can be reduced.

In the meantime, things are manageable. I feel more positive, more stable and more of moving forward. I’ve been starting to make a real plan to fix my debt and finances and I’m trying to decide my fitness regime. It’s hard in the dead of winter to get the motivation, as this is usually a hard time for me. But it’s 2017 and it’s time to start kicking a bit more ass. I’ve got a life that’s worth living now and i’m much more motivated to start trying to protect it and improve it. I also have started to feel at home in the East Bay, it’s taken quite a while but I’m starting to get my bearings, to feel comfortable and realize that this is my home, and this is my life, and really, it’s not so bad.