Grocery Shopping – Who Knew 

I’ve been grocery shopping. I went for the third time today. At my new house, my room for rent, I have 2 fridge shelves and I have to restock them fairly often.

I noticed a change in myself, my pace, my speed while I went shopping. I feel lighter, stronger and more focused. I got what I needed and wondered at this life.

The more things I do, the more things that feel normal and every day the more I wonder at where I am and how I got here. My routine can get old but I have new habits, new shopping traits. New plans. But they still only go as far as Carrie. I have to start couples therapy tomorrow. I start to find out if we can fix this, heal and come back from it.

I wonder at this life going forward, how different it will be and what it will include. I went to the old house yesterday to drop off something and it felt strange, cluttered, unfamiliar. I’m not sure how to feel about this. I miss my life, I miss carrie, I miss my friends and not feeling ashamed. But I’m also starting to gain an awareness of what I have to leave behind, what I have to do as a new and better person. It can’t be what I did before.

My life is delicate, hanging by a thread, but my vision and my focus is better and better. I’m often left bemused, amused, and confused by this strange new world. My new life. It’s just beginning.