Bad Days and Good Days 

My sleep has become very erratic. I fall asleep with sleep-aids (read over the counter sleeping pills) about 10pm and I bolt awake, my mind racing at 3-4am and I toss and turn and chase my thoughts until morning.

I’ve been going out and keeping busy. Met with a new therapist to supplement the other one. I did a radio podcast with some friends which helped lighten the mood.  I’d say yesterday was a ‘good’ day. Where the rest of the week has been a series of sinking ships.

There’s so few good days between the bad that I latch onto them and appreciate them more. I’m going out today all day, that usually helps. I feel like Wily E. Coyote constantly planning my next approach. I want Carrie to see what i’m doing, but I’m not really much to marvel at right now. I’ve lost 20 pounds. I started this adventure at 367 and I’m down to 347 as of yesterday.  I’m happy for that. I’m grateful that Carrie is safe and warm and busy.

I’m meeting with Ben today, he and his wife Tia haven’t been talking to me, they seem to have fallen squarely in the opposite camp. Tia declaring all-out war on her and carrie’s behalf. Ben I assume just keeping his head down for the battle. But he’s finally agreed to meet with me. He’s one of my oldest friends. I’m not sure how the conversation will go but just knowing he’s willing lifts my heart a little.  Maybe I can gain back one small piece of everything I’ve lost this month.

I haven’t done much to focus on the positive in all this and I’m going to start doing more of that. I’m alive, I’m healthy, and I’m going to see a friend.